What a father is him? Why can't he understand me?

My father is an influential clan leader in Umuofia. After defeating "Amalinze The Cat", he becomes a powerful and famous wrestler. In virtue of his prowess in war, he successfully earns himself a high position in the clan. However, he hates my grandfather, Unoka very much. My grandfather loves to play musical instrument by his nature.  My father often describes him as lazy, improvident and incapable of thinking about tomorrow. He is a shame for my father, just like me. As my instinct is quite similar to my grandfather, I have become a frequent-beating object to him. As a first-born child in my family, he demands me to be a warrior of perfect masculinity.

My abomination towards him is very deep. Most of the time, I feel like I am nothing for him even though I am his only son. Isn't it wrong to love music and listen to folk's stories? As a boy in Umuofia, I struggle very hard to reach your expectation but no matter how much efforts I put in, you will still label me as a 'lazy-dreamer'. For you, I am a disappointment and a disgrace. I really can't comprehend the perception of my society - judging a man's capability by his masculinity? I have tried again and again to win his approval but what I often get is a red palm landing on my face. Sometimes, I feel an intense injustice and jealously to my friend. Why can they have such a lovely and caring father? How about me? A cruel, violent and senseless 'father'!?

Almost every night, I will dream about the scene of your beating. I am groaning and moaning in pain. I cry and beg you to stop but in vain. Looking at the scars of my body, it reminds me of how hateful is I to you! 'A vicious tigress never eats her own cubs'. As for me, you are the worst of the Lord. Sometimes, I wish I will rather be an orphan without you. I pray day and night that someone will come to rescue me, someone that I can share my desperation to 'him'.